Random days

a delayed reaction

Whenever I find myself packing my bags to leave Dartmouth, I find that I often do it under stressful conditions, and these past few days have taken the cake in terms of stress. I’m taking four classes this term (one more than the usual 3), so in total, I have 3 finals and 2 final papers (and two presentations if you count that). In addition, my internship in Vietnam really wants me to arrive by June 5th, and technically, final exam period does not end until June 6th. I chose to schedule my flight for the morning of June 2nd, so I could get to Vietnam by June 4th. I figured a solid day to recover from jet lag would be necessary. Therefore, the past few days have been filled with hardcore studying and cramming. I slept four hours total in the past 48 hours, and I have managed to cram my student life into two boxes to put in Dartmouth’s ORL storage for the next 5 terms. Well, I can say mission accomplished.

But now it hits me. I’m going to Vietnam to WORK. Although I was jumping in joy a month ago, at the moment, I feel a strange mix of excitement and anxiety, surprisingly. After all, it has been seven years since I’ve been back to Vietnam, and this time, I’m returning as a full fledged adult. This time, I’m working at a German e-commerce company, and already, I know one of my task is to make an employee handbook. When did life turn out so…peculiar. I almost miss those summers where I could just lie around doing nothing. Well, I technically worked out a lot whenever I had nothing to do, so that was good. Speaking of weight, I feel like spending the next 6 months in Asia will spell disastrous news for my weight. Japan alone last summer added 10lbs to my weight. Sigh.

I’m going to be away from Dartmouth for 5 terms. It’s hard for non-Dartmouth students to understand that, but I will be spending my Junior year almost entirely abroad. I honestly have no idea how I ought to feel about that. And AHH going back to Vietnam and everything. I apologize for the crumbling of my prose, but I think the adrenaline is finally fading away, and the fatigue has returned for its vengeance on my body. I have a long flight ahead of me, and I will definitely enjoy sleeping for most of the flight. Hopefully, my erratic sleeping schedule from the last few days might cancel out some of the jet lag.

OMG VIETNAM. OMG WORKING AT A JOB. OMG REALITY. Yes. I am fortunate. Definitely not gonna even try to deny that. I wonder where the next six months will lead me. Actually, I might need to worry about just Vietnam first because I transition to Korea.  Oh the reaction I was talking about? It’s this weird, almost grotesque amalgam of emotions that I confront whenever I find myself leaving Dartmouth. Simplistic way to explain it would be to say it’s anxiety and excitement, but I think this is an understatement.  Well America. UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN. don’t get overrun by zombies without me there!

Cynical

Just some thoughts floating in my head:

“A person stops to smell the flowers; a cynic stops to find the grave”

-I think, somewhere along the way, I’ve become a cynic. Maybe that’s why I failed to shed a single tear on that “No Cry” challenge on youtube. I prefer to see myself as more of a realistic skeptic. After all, it is better to see things in both positive and negatives, and the power to doubt should never be underestimated. But lately, I feel like my skepticism has dropped to cynicism. The other day, my friend delivered a heartfelt story about his journey of self-discovery in Vietnam to the campus, but in my mind I could only criticize his irresponsible planning prior to the event and how he was using the event to partially boast his image. While I was not the only one thinking this, maybe my way of thinking, my focus on preparing for the negative has led me somewhat astray. Sigh, I hope not.

-In my Psychology class, we’re finally moving onto individual research presentations, and of course, I signed up for the last available time slot. One girl presented her research on the history of love in psychology, and it got me thinking. Perhaps, I’m somewhat scared of love. From a psychological standpoint, it’s a freaking complicated emotion with even more complicated physiological and behavioral patterns. From the testimonies of others, it will make you do the craziest and sometimes stupidest things in the world. Yet, what’s most scary might be the phrase “love for love’s sake.” I’ll be honest. I can not comprehend that. Attraction and relationships are supposedly built upon certain rules and principles, but love seemingly transcends that. Maybe I will understand later on in life.

-But continuing the love conversation, I have to say I am skeptical/cynical about the whole idea of meeting your “one and only.” If years of Walt Disney movies and asian dramas has taught me anything, it’s that love to me is extremely circumstantial, so how can we possibly attribute any control over it? Maybe that’s where the whole “red string of fate” theory stems from. 

-Random: The term is ending! Also, I need to pick up my work ethics again. Furthermore, I need someone to please SCOLD me because I made one of those spur of the moment purchases simply because I was “in the mood” for it. What is it? Well, I bought a $100 chef’s knife on Amazon. To be fair, it was 47% off, and last VSA’s event made me realize how helpful an extra knife would be. Plus, it’s top of the line, so it will last, but this is just me trying to justify my purchase -_-…

no time

But, I’m going to write this anyways since I feel like I haven’t been able to write in too long. This might end up just being a string of things.

• I am starting to grow partially annoyed at the flood of avengers allusions while I am out of the loop. I suppose this is a downside to going to a school that’s so far away from civilization.
• It irks me incredibly when I see false facts being used on tumblr, especially those dealing with psychology. I do not want to reblog it and appear pretentiously elitist by correcting all the wrong things. Yet, someone (the voice in my head) can argue that since I’m worrying about elitism, I’m already there. In that case…no…I overthink things -_-
• I never understood it when people, usually a girl, say that they can’t help liking someone despite being treated pretty badly. While I acknowledge that “chemistry” exists, I really do not understand emotions going against logic IN THIS SCENARIO. In fact, I’ve never had this problem of falling for someone with a bad personality. My feelings have always been backed up by cognitive logic. I know why l like someone, and I have a criteria for personality that I can use to judge the opposite sex. Sigh, I may never be able to understand it when girls say, “I can’t help liking him (despite all the BS he puts you through)”.
• So it’s official. I’m heading to Vietnam for a paid internship with this German E-Commerce company for 3 months in Vietnam. It was a choice between this and volunteering to teach SAT in Vietnam. While the teaching job would be more much more fun and less tiring, I must nonetheless choose the option that will give me both money and skills to put on my resume. Sigh, is this what the real world is going to be like? I’ll be working 50-60hrs a week, but at least I have weekends off. Time to finally eat some Vietnamese food! Hopefully, SOME of my friends who happen to be in Vietnam will come visit me. ;]
• I’m kind of sad because it feels like time is passing too damn fast. I was talking to Christina today, and I realize I probably won’t hear her hyenic laugh until August 2013. Though this arguably may be a blessing, it just feels so weird talking in terms of YEARS now. Before, I saw people pretty much everyday, and at worst, after a couple of weeks. Man, is this where the yellow brick road supposed to take me?